So, I’ve caught myself thinking about death quite a few times the past few months. No, I am not depressed and contemplating suicide but perhaps age has caught up with me slightly as it is becoming clearer and clearer that I will definitely not live forever.

Before this year, I was really, truly unaffected by the thought of death. My whole take on it was that, if it was my time, then it was my time-no big deal.The more time I spend on earth though, the more I realize how complex the whole idea of dying really is.

What scares me the most, and this may sound stupid to some, is the whole physical process of dying. Regardless of how it happens, you will have that moment when you struggle to breathe-that moment of panic is how I see it right now. If you get sick, you have months or years of suffering before you go, and if you are shot or stabbed you still have those moments right before you die.

Apart from that, there is the whole emotional aspect of it. When you are sick, you know your days are numbered. When you die suddenly, you know you don’t have time to set things straight, say your apologies or thank yous or I love yous before you go. If you have children, you know you are going to leave them and have no control over what will happen to them before you go.

As I said in another post, which had a completely different topic-all we really have is FAITH. The belief that despite the whole scary process of the unknown, we will be ok, that our lives were not lived in vain, and that the future will continue to fall into place after we are gone.

I don’t need to be great, I don’t need to be famous or powerful or rich (well, maybe a little rich ;p) but I do need to, in this lifetime, be a good person, be remembered lovingly, and leave lessons and memories behind to people who I love and love me.